just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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