I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Can I color on your dick again?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
