you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
