made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
