I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
