my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
