I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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