She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
