I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
