It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
