Pants 0. Shit 1.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize