The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
