There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
