you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
