I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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