you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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