Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
