you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
