So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
