On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
