I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
