The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
