I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
