I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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