i barfeds in our rink
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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