can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
