too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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