so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
