He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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