we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
