do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
