I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
