the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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