she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
