I have demons in me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
