I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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