just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
