oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
