he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
