He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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