in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
