she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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