Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
