The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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