I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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