You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
