I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
