I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
