Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
