Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
