I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
