i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
