so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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