I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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