Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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