who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
