Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize