she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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