I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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