So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dual....:-)
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
