he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
