I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
