My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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