I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
