okay pat passed out under dana's car
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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