How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
