Your tits are I can't wait for
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
