There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
