can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
